He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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