I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Randomize
