i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Semen is not good for contacts.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
