You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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