Ketchup is God's man juice
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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