You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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