so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
