I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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