i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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