captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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