i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
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