sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
