my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
