Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
