i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
