So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
