It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
