He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
