did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
