can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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