What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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