Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize