Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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