That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
