Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I wish there were birth control emojis
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
