so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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