Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Randomize
