woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
