where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
