I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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