Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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