she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
