It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
