He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
