Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
