just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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