Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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