Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(347): View more from New York

Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.

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(940): View more from Texas

You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.

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(708): View more from Illinois

I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"

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(641): View more from Iowa

i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..

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(314): View more from Missouri

Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people

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(709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.

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(701): View more from North Dakota

Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.

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(616): View more from Michigan

I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.

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