im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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