What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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