So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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