Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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