I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize