the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
