My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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