i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
