Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
