Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
