I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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