At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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