Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
