Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
