I need help removing her.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Every concussion has its silver lining
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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