Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
