I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
