I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
