Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
