i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
