I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
