I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
