Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize