just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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