My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
