We named our party play list daddy issues
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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