I wish I could punch you in the face.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
