god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
