I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize