wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
this boner is exhausting
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize