I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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