I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I skipped work to stalk him.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
