So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
