I will die if light touches me.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
