Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
