their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Sorry my hands just texted you
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
