are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize