I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize