she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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