whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
