My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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