Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
