He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
