Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
