Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
