I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
