porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
