I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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