Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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