have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
