Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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