They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize