I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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