According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
