k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
