you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
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