We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
