be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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