I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
