We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
