you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
