OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
