I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
cat food counts as protein by the way
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
