Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
