In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
