You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
