I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
