How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
