Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
