One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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