Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(614): View more from Ohio

She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.

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(716): View more from New York

Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.

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(613): View more from Ontario

We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.

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(469): View more from Texas

on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.

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(818): View more from California

more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt

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(425): View more from Washington

I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date

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(217): View more from Illinois

the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him

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(409): View more from Texas

If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.

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