I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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