Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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