after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
