Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
