Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
