Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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